Keep it all together / Fake it until you eventually make it.

Recently found a thing for Braids. :D

(Don't mind the bugger on my nose, been there for at least 5 days now. You guys, I never pop my pimples. Yes. Never. Ever.)

Year 3 has been pretty hectic thus far (Have I been saying this way too often?!), feels as though there's barely any time to settle down or fool around in the first few weeks. 

Kinda miss year 1 and 2 where although there was substantial workload it was all pretty manageable. However, I'm really super thankful for the group that I've somehow found myself in. I feel like we could really work together and gel. I don't feel as though I have to handle all the workload single handedly and that there are people I can split the job with and have it done well. 

Love it! That's the point of being in a team in the first place.

They make the painful journey less burdensome. :')

"Thinking to myself, what have I done to have deserved you."

Hi my love, this wont be a post with just "one line about you :-(" hahaha 

Haven't seen my boy in school today, always hope somewhere somehow I'd bump into him. It really makes my day :-) Today's just one of those days when I don't - maybe tomorrow? :-)

He's been a sweet heart lately, showing me with so much love I doubt I can ever repay.

We're passing the Big 2 soon, wishing for a good celebratory something because we never really used to do anything much. Just wanna express how glad I am to have him in my life.

I love you so so so so very very very very much my Beebz, from your pure heart right down to your little oreos. (Aww beebi!!!!!!!!! I wanna hug you now teehehehehe)

Be mine forever.

*spam love*

Till my next update

x

After a while
you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't always promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn
with every good-bye you learn.

This was typed on the 28th September 2013 (Australia date + time)

Some alone time while in the bus along the way back to Brisbane airport, time check 8:00pm exactly ☺️

It's been a pretty long day, in fact the longest out of all the 6 full days (minus 2 due to flight + traveling time) since I was up since 4:30am to catch Surfer paradise's sunrise. Beautiful.

On the first day, we visited some of the city "landmarks" like China town and Mount Coot-tha. The weather was pretty warm that afternoon but everyone was happy here. The view was breath taking, and the company was fun. It was funny how Amanda started taking her scorpion shots and everyone started imitating her! It became a photo thing! Hahaha hilarious! :p Especially when the guys can't do it but still force themselves to.. Not getting there guys haha.

I really liked it there and we got to head to UQ to have a school tour and speak to some seniors from NP there. It made me realise that graduation is actually pretty close and in just a year's time I've to make an important decision whether to further my studies in a university or not. Life isn't always that one-way route Singaporeans are so used to, take your education, study and get a job.

It's important to do something you love and are passionate about, and with that I'm not so sure which sector I'd like to be in when the future comes knocking on my door. Maybe I'll do something completely different from tourism? Who knows, life is ever changing.

Went around the area near the mall to sneak some shopping but prices were a little steep! 

The next few days we went to paradise resorts, factory outlet shopping, wild life sanctuary Currumbin, Jupiter Conrad, super bee, today 4 wheeled drive, dream world and lots of other places to view the attractions and accommodations.

In the nights, we'd go to the arts fair, have our little pizza/wrap parties and just chat till we're tired. Watched silly reality tv shows like Pimp my ride and haven't felt this happy away from my comfort zone in a long time. 

I still missed my boyfriend a lot though! Half of me wanted to stay so bad, the other half wanted to leave ASAP so I could return to my loved ones. The worst thing was probably when everyone had internet access here, uploading and updating instagram all the time, or being able to contact each other and etc. 

The only time I could have internet access was in the nights along the hotel's lobby, where connection isn't really the best nor where it's the most comfortable. But oh boy so I look forward to it so bad because I miss my dear boy so much. Even if I'm having fun and my days are usually packed with activities that keep our minds occupied, I still missed my boy at the back of my mind. How I love him so, distance do make the heart grow fonder. 

In Australia, I'm always together with a clique of 9 others. They are people made up of familiarity and unfamiliarity. Weird mix huh? Half were from my class (my project group mates) and I wasn't really super close to them from the beginning but I believe this trip has brought us closer by giving us a heap load of opportunities to chat and all. Really happy.

I do wish I get to do these this with my boyfriend too, because it would be just perfect. When we went to play with the beach water one afternoon, I wished so bad Beebz was there. The water was really cold splashing on to my feet, sand so soft and warm, Ben and Jerry's ice cream melting in my mouth and sun beating down my back. Seeing couples everywhere made me miss him so bad. 

People in Aussie could be super polite but also racist at times (can't fault some, they were high on alcohol) but their personalities draw me in so much. I want to lead their sort of laid back lifestyle where everyone's good with everyone (at least they start off being really good) and not like Singapore where everything's stressed and fast paced and all in a mad rush.

I love their dressing style, their accent, their country's amazing and I'm sure my dear boy would enjoy as much as I did. Oh how I wish he could be there.

On the boat when we headed out to sea to whale watch, I wished he was right next to be bobbing up and down choppy seas, and warming me up when my goosebumps appear because he's my little boyfie cutie pie + my portable heat warmer! Hahaha!

At Mount Tambourine I wished I could have taken the 4 wheeled drive with Beebz and watch the scenery within the mountain as we ascend the steep terrain in the little bus. Plus play with the cowboy whip thing and the boomerang! :) The whip gave me a bruise on my lip though, ouch :(

There were many Kangis and other animals, even little dainty shops lining the streets but the best was still the activities like whipping and boomerang throwing. (If I was jay-z.. 😋)

When I was at Dreamworld being afraid at the rides, I wish he was right next to me taking all the rides and experiencing everything with me. Oh how I wish I could..

When I shop, I could just imagine if Beebz would say "Aww you look fluffly in it!" And give me that little cheesy smile. 

Everything I do here, I wish in my heart I could share all the experience with my dear boy. 😔

It wasn't easy for me to spend 8 days with completely (ok almost) no internet and with people I'm not too familiar with. Other than my ex-classmates.

For the rest, I also got to make friends with them, and they're really an awesome bunch. Three cliques. coming together and having this much fun, it's really nice to experience once in awhile.

I'm turning 18 in 4 hours aussie time, and the whole group of them actually came up with a surprise for me, cake + candles and all, TOTALLY UNEXPECTED seriously mostly because I didn't think they'd bother because it was only the night of 27th sept and I was really touched. Was tearing at the door of Hazel's hotel room when I kept knocking and they wouldn't open, I thought they were intentionally ignoring me lol bcos they were talking and laughing really loud (planned haha) this bunch. 

When they sang the birthday song is was so shocked I just like 😱

Hahaha they are such a nice bunch. 

I do realise to they each have different people they really cared about as a true friend. Like Casia, Yu xuan and Lynette. Keryang and all, Isabelle, Michelle and the other guy idk! For tabs and crystal it's Ariel and the rest in OIP. Even Yongchin has been constantly contacting other chinkys during the break and I haven't.

Maybe I'm not a good friend? I don't know..

I'm only close to Mariah and I just realised I haven't bought her much. Will pass her some stuff from the trip. But I guess it isn't about what I buy that shows my sincerity as a friend, it's about how much I'm willing to do for them.

Not exactly the most excited for this upcoming semester because I'm separated from my comfort zone, other than Casia and chin, but I'll try to engage into a proper friendship with the rest since they are easier to talk to. Some I do have to be wary.. But we'll see. Really don't have a lot of familiar faces. In the second half I have IS and it's separated from Stanley :( I was so sad! But no choice got to deal with it! Sigh! 

My fingers are freezing from typing this little message for about half an hour now (still haven't gotten to the airport yet HAHHA going to sleep in the plane so much. I can't wait to see my baby boy!!!!!!!!! Beebz I miss you so much I need to feel you! Been apart from you too long, need a HUG RIGHT NOW I'm so cold!)

Don't think anyone would remember it's going to be my birthday soon or bother as I'm sure they're all going to be so tired out. 

I only wish for my love's company when I'm back, that's all. Can't wait.

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Hahaha hello everybody!

I'm back, suddenly got the feel to start blogging again! I know I haven't been updating this space, just too darn lazy most of the times hahaha. But well when I update my blog out of the blue it's usually because I'm really sad/stressed/super excited or feeling something extreme, so yeah I guess it's a good thing this page isn't filled with sad posts just as yet! My life haven't been very happening lately but i'm just glad to say everything I've been blessed with (Danzation opportunity, the reopening of school, friends and everything) have been pretty manageable. :-)

To continue my blog post from where I "left off", I actually had quite a simple legal 18th celebration this year. The highlight was getting to see my dear friends & lover boy once I got off the plane! I was also surprised on flight which was quite a unique experience! Tell me who gets to turn 18 on the plane with cabin crew singing birthday song for you? HAHAHAH!

I slept for the most part of 29th Sept but in the night my boy took me to this trampoline place! It was kinda interesting and I successfully managed to execute a few flips here and there but I just couldn't land right (almost, once or twice!) Maybe we'll be coming back again someday. :)

After that the days went by in a blur, and suddenly school's started. Been pretty busy with Red district lately, training real hard for Danzation. I've been a little worried over school work though, I haven't spent much time studying or even having enough time to work on my tuts. I know time will run out quickly since I've to make time for dance in my everyday schedule. Gotta work on it and not let my grades fall.

We had a review of our results today and SQTR was revised as a 2 Credit Unit module rather than 4. It's a good news for me, because overall my gpa went from 3.333 to 3.3429 hahahah (what in the world right doesn't make much of a difference) but then okay I shan't complain because most of the people around me, their Gpa all fall because they did well for it and the weightage is lesser now. See? Sucking in April Ng's module actually has it perks sometimes. LOL no its not a perk actually since their GPA is still much higher than mine -_- I'm WORKING on it!

Braces had been quite a pain in the a double asteriks because I just removed my 4th teeth and now my upper canine is connected to the braces. It juts out a little making me feel sooooooo self conscious whenever I smile now. I just can't wait for it to start movie so I won't have to deal with that embarrassment any longer! :'(

Danzation's senior junior item has been *pretty* dang stressful because I'm being put in centre when there are many other better dancers than me. I'm working hard for the choreography and I must say we all look clean right now! Can't wait to amaze the audience ;)

Beebz have been really sweet lately *when he's not falling asleep while I miss him*, we're meeting up whenever I can make it and spending some good quality time (so so so much needed) i love you dear if you're reading this! :) x

Alright, I've got Law tutorial to work on, gotta go!

Cheers! :-)

Hahaha okay la my teeth aren't that straight yet but I do hope they'll look this good once they are! ;-)

And afters! :)

(The next morning after getting braces, I had it done from 6:30pm-8:30pm on the 16th)

My first braces instagram photo haha on the 3rd day I think!

Really thought I was smiling unnaturally in some photos because my mouth was so sore! :(

These photos were taken when the pain was alot more bearable and when I could finally start eating "normal people food"! Hahaha! There was so many times when I had to sit through lunch watching everyone eat and I'm like :( there's nothing here I can eattttttt :(

Our first anniversary at DOME :-)

Dearest sobbu gaga sunshine gal hahahaha.

Kindzone was held on the 4th day of braces and gosh was it hard to talk to strangers and collect surveys geez!

Just today by the pool after swimming with my dearie!

But y'all know what.. I'm gonna do E V E R Y T H I N G the ortho says so I get to see results quickly!!!

Hahaha me being self-disciplined. :)

Really thankful for the people who told me their own experiences and assuring me that it gets better, bcos it really does! I can eat KFC now BAHAHA. To the people who replied my tweets when I was all panicky and wondering if it was normal that the metal was causing so many cuts and ulcers, you guys made me feel so muchhhhh better. 

Went to thread my brows for the 2nd time and this time round it didn't hurt so bad! :p Charis went with me and it was her first, but that brave girl didn't shed a single tear omgahh hahaha. Her brows look so much defined rn! :)

I have officially 18 more days to my first paper! So glad I scored a number of As in my assignments/tests thus far and I hope I get a good gpa this sem! :-) 

Yay for AD for Kindzone! :') My first ever A with a distinction hahahaha

Just a few days ago, I was really caught up with Flashmob and all that jazz and I feel that it is really came down to a huge waste of time.. I never meant for it to end like this; cancelled. But I guess there's no going back now. You stayed with me through one of the evenings, be silently by my side even when you didn't have anything to do then. I really appreciate that :')

Having gone to the zoo together really adds not only to our photo collection hehe but also our little memories together :D I'll update this part some other time when I'm on my lappy!

Another thing, I was pretty stressed up over CEM test around the weekends and I read appreciate how my little sweetie accompanied me for so long in the library just the day before the test and ensured I knew what I was learning! It was so productive and I never felt more blessed to have him by my side, being there for me when he knows I'll definitely have a meltdown if I'm left alone.

Even when I went home, he was still kinda "there" for me because I was studying and he was up clearing his bedroom. Speaking over Skype really helped me not to give up studying for CEM and it really helped alot, made it feel as though he's close by. ♥

Then earlier this week I had my braces done and he was with me and he tried all sorts of ways to distract and comfort me saying that everything will be fine. It really felt so much easier having my boyfie around really, I'm alot blessed than so many many many girls out there. :'D

Today was record breaking. He waited almost 2 hours just to wait for me to finish settling some issues with the class. (Some major issues) I really didn't I tend for the wait to be that long.. The poor boy actually fell asleep in the cold dark classroom alone waiting for me to have dinner.. And guess what? Because I'm still on my 3rd day into braces I can't eat hard food, he actually made the effort to call his uncle, ask him where to get good porridge, have mashed potato and awful porridge at Texas Chicken and Canton Paradise respectively at Star Vista just to accompany me. :) how sweet is that? I just want to hug every cell of him and te him that "Beebz, I really can't imagine life without you."

Favourite thing to tell him now, "Beebz.. Ee for me! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE shark teeth! ♥" haha aw. Missing my cuddly wuddly xiao sha gua hehehe.

Okay la that lazy pig has gone to sleep already. Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day :D Kindzone event tomorrow, it's got to be a success! :D

A. Whole. Year.

It's honestly really amazing how time have flown by, 365 days has just passed like that since that day when we sat down and talked things out together, and when we made the decision to follow our hearts you were bounding up and down so happily towards your train home from CCK. It always brings a smile to my face knowing how that one decision never ever had to cause the hefty heartbreaking price to pay couples face in the end. This far, I truly believe in having already found the right one for me. I may be young, Beebz. But I really do hope you're the right one. 

I believe at that point in time you merely thought that it was going to be like your previous relationships where nothing was really taken too seriously. Sure, you told me there was one or two you were serious about, but I'm really really glad that we've made it this far, and that I managed to create the change in your perspective of relationships.

Remember that night when I was so afraid? Afraid I couldn't accept another role in my life, afraid I couldn't keep up to the expectations of a girlfriend or that I just wasn't ready to fall head over heels and to start anew. I told you I don't expect that the feeling between us might last more than the duration of the camp. I told you if I loved someone I will try my best to do whatever it may take for me to make things work out, that I never get involved with a guy absentmindedly or for the sake of relationship thrills. 

I was wrong about how it was only 'a camp thing'. But you know what beebz? 

I'm so so so so glad I was wrong.

How do you look on our relationship since the very first day we were together till now? So many adjectives come to my mind to describe the thousands and myriad of feelings that overwhelmed us. There were times when we were dizzy with happiness, filled with joy, or in bad times over taken by frustration, disappointment, worry or fear. 

The start when everything didn't feel quite right and when bits and pieces finally start to click, struggling to make time for each other, our countless petty arguments that weren't all that important. The late night FB chats, phonecalls and silliness. 

Dear, I really just fell more and more in love with you as each day passed.

I remember us walking around Marina Square with my friends on the day of the Blogshop festival, and you were acting so coolly the whole time hehehe. Ofcourse, I remember how you were sweating like mad while we were waiting to get in, the girl with the American accent where I bought the red cardigan from. The crotchet pullover which you told me you had one as well. 

How you were telling me the place looked different cause you used to go there clubbing. How you tired to hold my hand, how it felt so right yet I just didn't want to rush into anything just yet. How you just walked off and I panicked. How we saw the dreamcatchers and told me you were afraid of them, how I'd asked you to tell me three things you can't stand and I'd tell you mine in a feat for us to get to know each other better.

Who knew marina square was also gonna be the place where you'd meet my mom for the first time and I'd eat with your family and aunt/uncles/cousin too?

Remember our little photo taking session at MKP, how we'd fb chat till late at night. Those were one of my favourite memories, squirming around in bed with all you sweet little messages. Remember how I lost my phone not once but almost lost it twice? How we cabbed to find the girl who found my phone?

I remember studying with you, being the hero in bstats hahaha wink wink and heading to nic's to chill and study. 

All those times we tried to make studying for exams bearable, how I'd always always nag at you to study because you've got so much potential you shouldn't trash. 

Remember when I first visited your gramz? We were having lunch at Clementi mall and you just called her and told her I was coming over. You have no idea how nervous I felt. I remember meeting your parents for the first time I was sooooo scared they wouldn't like me. 

Remember when you first took me to meet Deryl and he shook hands with me? Hahaha yes. It was at Orchard Central's 310.

Remember our first school concert at NYP, then NP's danzation? 

Remember how we'd watch videos on YouTube and I'll forever laugh at the same things and never get sick of the same jokes?

Remember the period of time when I had to work and it was so difficult to meet up? Remember the night we were "supposed to celebrate my birthday 7 days in advance" and you just wouldn't come to me? I remember every single word you told me that night, including all your plans and stuff and how I ruined so many things you said you planned. 

I had dance at Orchard but I felt really shitty and offed my phone feeling completely useless, then I finally gave in and we went to this playground nearby tiong and had KFC after playing with that one little grey cat?

I remember how we went to kusu island and how you wanted to show me the giant turtle but we ended up having a scary ass encounter with the crazy daring monkey. Hahahaha these memories makes me smile. 

Remember 2013 New Year's Day at Clarke Quay and my artificial digital fireworks? Remember the lazer quest at the Science Center, snorkeling at Adventure Cove. The memories of that backwards water slide will NEVER fail to make me smile bee. You're such an adorable puppy HAHAHAHA love you!

I remember we were otp once and just talking about our Little Stan (hey future kiddo if you're reading this, you've already been made plans for since your parents were 17 hehehe) and I just started tearing up because the words you said really touched me right in my heart. How you say you've already made plans and our jokes about who'd wake up to use the toilet first cause we're just sooooo lazy..

On a more recent note, I remember fondly on how we just ended our 3 day camp a few days ago and.. You suddenly said something which made my heart flutter non-stop.. "Beebz", your head was dipped sideways when we were at the traffic light, both of us waiting for the green man to light. I watched you, puzzled, knowing you'd only "B" me suddenly when you're in a serious mood. I stood there, wondering what it is you were about to say. "Don't it feel just like it's only been 5 days?" I felt so happy when you said that :-) I want many many more 5-days with you then. 

I'll love you forever, forever and always. Through the good and the bad and the ugly. Beebz, we'll grow old together and always remember if for happy or sad or whatever. We'll still love each other, forever and always. Okay? :-)

Happy 1 year anniversary dear, it may be the millionth time I'm saying this but.. Honeybeeee, I really really really really really do love you. 

I'm eternally thankful for having you close to my heart and I really pray that if God is above and know how much I want you in my life, to go through everything be it success or struggles all with you. 

If anything should happen, please do know that you have been the best I have expected of you and.. Oh what am I saying? You are just always being the you beyond my expectations (even though I always say I can already anticipate your every move hahaha)

Dear, if for whatever reason this relationship don't work out in the future, (mmm yea probably only if I were to leave this Earth one day), I want to make sure that right now you know that you deserve the best for yourself. Don't you ever feel alone because I'm always gonna be with you, right there in your warm and puffin heart.

You ought to know that the past year has been a blast for me and that if for any reason I cannot spend the rest of your life together, you're still the beebz that if not forever, once did hold a very very very important place in my heart. 

I guess it's redundant and super touch-wood to say this now but it just shows that I love you so much I just want you to be as happy as you can be wherever I may be. 

Thank you for the past year Beebz. God has blessed me so much, you're the greatest gift and I can't ask for anyone better than you Stanley Chia De Xian a.k.a my dearest Beebi sweetie pie kissy monster lil puffin pumpkin pudding fatty cheeks sugarplum boothang le Stanley boy ;) 

No one can ever take your place in my heart Beebz. 

Why? 

Because "Beebz - No replacements found". 

REMEMBER: TOUJOURS GARDER LE SOURIER ;-)

Never lose yourself.

 

Hugs and kisses! :* xoxo