C'est la vie.

#122. Limits.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013 | 12:54:00 AM | 0 comments| add a comment

Are principles ever significant? Or only to some occasions?

I'm not smug or obstinate, I just own this aspect of my personality grown over the years as a teenager and I never expected more than respect for my decisions.

I don't think I understand how I am special due to my values yet the same people engage in contrasting social gatherings from time to time. Or am I just confused by the way I'm " too stuck to my own beliefs and impressions of such gatherings, nothing can alter those thoughts about them no matter how hard you try".

Am I the only one, or does anyone know what it feels like to want the best for someone, yet that includes the person engaging in activities you don't exactly like? Even if it might be engaging with the littlest intent, he is regularly present at such social gatherings?

But then again, what if he is already making changes in his lifestyle telling you hey I don't club or intoxicate myself with alcohol because I've never really liked it from the start anyway. At least I won't do it infront of you. You know that it is totally inevitable for him to be himself around his friends (probably feel really odd/spoilsport if he doesn't participate) or avoid the whole drinking situation.

He's just gonna have to do it. HAVE to, because that's just the kind of company he's always always always gonna be surrounded by. Not just once a year, but at least a few times every couple of months. Not that the regularity actually matters but the fact that he's gonna have to comply with an "at least" for every birthday/special occasion gathering. It could be any loved one. Your father, your son, your boyfriend maybe even your brother.

There's no completely going against it like; hey man I really don't wanna have a drink at all, let's do something else or I'll have something else 'cause it just will not work everytime.

Say, during a party for his cousin's/friend's birthdays where they think alcohol is such a big deal now they're 18/is a yearly "tradition"/is just so cool you can't get past birthdays without saying "yea man I got so drunk I kissed 5 girls last night, check out my picture". I mean, you know what really? Totally not cool at all. Just look at yourself, is that some sort of consolation? I mean it is pitiful to see how people resort to such ways to feel a little better about themselves, I don't want to judge but it's really just how I see things from my point of view.

Maybe, I'm just really obstinate about the idea of drinking/social drinking/whatever-way-you-put-it drinking. What's wrong? You're not gonna get drunk. It makes the birthday person happy, gives you a little pride boost whatsoever, but what do you lose?

I know of friends who detest the taste of alcohol. Wine, beer, vodka, rum, gin, tequila, brandy and none ever hit the spot when it comes to taste. They say even for a start, they actually wished they could have just a sugared drink or anything non-alcoholic just to down the awful taste. They pretend it taste good though, why? To fit in. It's like "Here, have some more bitter gourd, come on, everyone's having it it's cool, at least have a little bit."

How much does a night at a bar cost? Or how much does a trip to a liquor store cost? They definitely do put a dent in your wallet. What do you get in exchange for the cost? Looking like a fool? Getting nauseated or suffering from a splitting headache? How is it worth it and putting the horrible taste into the equation, are you honestly just paying to suffer or feel uncomfortable deep down inside yet have to pretend what a great time you're having despite all that you've to go through?

Or do you feel rejected for not drinking? How much do you mind your friends judging you for your decisions? I know I'd definitely have more fun to be among friends who are sober because being the only sane one in a drunk circle is no fun at all. There is an undue social emphasis placed on drinking and I think that the clarification of friendships is really important. It will forever be a poignant reminder of how many accidents happen when people binge drink. I know it, I've seen it for myself.

Should I even mention the physical effects alcohol causes? Because it's so self-evident what intoxication causes and what's the worth of it anyway? Alcohol does have the tendency to bring out the bad qualities of people and taint the experience for others, instead of providing the mere amusement when they start losing control of themselves.The novelty of being relaxed and losing inhibition will wear off, so quit focusing on getting high because you know the after effects really do suck.

What if it's me? I know I have taken a sip of alcohol at a friend's birthday party, but it was honestly a taste kind of sip cause it was absolutely disgusting. They said it had some sort of fruit ingredient in it plus Vodka. So I tried just that tiny bit to see if it's bitter still. Yep, that one decision I made = You also drank during your friend's birthday, it's the same concept.

What if you're 18 now and all they ever do is just rounds of drinks from maybe short rounds of games round the table. But think about the same group of people perhaps 5, 10 years down the road. Do you think it'll still be like that? I mean, consider how big of a deal drinking is to them. You think they'd take in the same amounts year after year? I doubt it. Then what about you? Are you going to be pushed into, "every year you also drink, this year at least finish this whole cup" or something like that, you think anyone can avoid that? "Show face" to what extent?

I'm not saying I expect my loved ones to completely stay away from these people, because they are everywhere. I know it is impossible for him to find friends who aren't drinkers. I want him to be happy, I want him to feel accepted by his group of friends. I can only sit and watch because they "promised" and probably one or two people were getting pissed off.

I don't know how much longer my principles can last me. I wish I can just delete all the bad memories I have with drunk people, or the things I know that happen to people who drown themselves so much with alcohol they lose their senses and commit stupid actions. How comfortable would you feel if I have to be caught in situations like that with my friends every 1 or 2 months when their birthday comes around? When I say "Oh I'll drink a little just to show some face and I promise no more after that." and return to tell you how drunk all my other friends were. Would you not be afraid one day they might peer pressure me to drink? What if you know that I can't handle alcohol? What if I pass out and something irreversible happens with another person? Does it not scare you, even for the littlest bit?

I know it is so much that I'm thinking too far about. But you know, sometimes more that "just a little sip" goes through my mind when you attend gatherings like that. But I can't do anything, and hope that someday maybe these will come to a standstill at some point.

Or maybe we are just different and I have to come to terms and accept it.