C'est la vie.

#96. Gone to the dark side.

Thursday, December 6, 2012 | 12:25:00 AM | 0 comments| add a comment

Dip dyed my hair yesterday and I've gone to the dark side by dying the top of my head dark brown!

(Which actually turned out to be REALLY DARK brown actually.. ._.)

I was late for school today, haha technically yesterday.. cause I thought class starts at 2! Gosh, entering the class was the most humiliating thing ever. :/

Had two tutorials in a row, BMGT then MIEC. Meet Beebz awhile later to study! Spent three hours in the library, oh my gahh! His papers are starting tomorrow, all the best hun! :)

Oh oh oh I also went to get NRA tanks todayy! :-) Can't wait for NRA to start again, 17th dec! Wheeee!

Tonight I'm just getting my assignments done and hopefully I'll get to sleep early! :D

So so so soooo much to do this month.

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These few days I've been thinking alot about the situation in my family. I really just realised how messed up we are. How did things end up like this? I've been too used to it I didn't even think that something about my family isn't working out.

Just what in the world happened.. What caused such a huge mess to come upon my family?

If not for Stan or Charis, I'd be feeling so alone. Home is a place where you return to after a long day of work/school where you seek comfort and rest. For us, it's fulfilled physically. But never emotionally or mentally.

I just know something has got to change, and I've to be the one who's got to do something about it.

God, give me the strength to pull through this difficult period. I've got to take steps to see that my family becomes closer before things get out of hand.

I know thins get bad when I start to lose control of reality, when I start thinking that I'm not good enough myself..

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I was reading this on a parental guidance thread just awhile ago and I found this. (Goodness knows what on earth I'm doing on there when my PARENTS are supposed to be the ones on it..)

A view of an educator teaching students in the tertiary institutions.

"We hear (and read) horror stories of the quality of students and the environment in N(A) and N(T) classes and some neighbourhood schools that are less than desirable and may not be conducive for studying. We worry about our children and who they will mix around with and the bad habits that they may pick up. And, as any parent who loves our kids, it is natural to worry as we want our kids to do well in life. "

"In interacting with my students, I know that it has been a long and arduous journey for these Normal stream students. Their self-esteem and confidence level takes a beating. They always wondered if they were good enough. And yet, they have risen above their situations to overcome their hurdles and challenges. And for that, we celebrate in their successes. "

Another view of an educator in secondary school.

"All students studying in normal stream faces 3 pressures: social, classmates and family. Social refers to friends and relatives around him and social pressure is usually the greatest negative. Presure from classmates are usually negative as well, especially in the NT stream. There are expectation among peer classmates of certain behaviour conformance and it is hard not to be part of them. "

"So the only positive influence a student can hope for is family. In most cases, the family is already not positive for them (such as broken family, loss of one parent etc). If the family support is also missing, the only substitute would be the caring teachers from the school. "

I've been reading and reading a ton of views, from parents, lecturers in poly and secondary schools. they all say one thing, if a child is slow in learning, what you can provide them is love and care in the family. Yes, influence may be bad in school, no doubt people will look down on them and there will be alot of negativity will be thrown at them. But what they can truly rely on is the comfort of home and the encouragements of their loved ones.

Some kids carry "an extra baggage'' to school, and may seem to not pay attention in class. But there are things that we don't see, personal problems of the child that don't meet the eye. Perhaps the reason why they are not interested/care less for studies because they have other more important thoughts weighing on their minds, whether their parents are still going to stay together, or if they're going to get beaten up at home after school, or other social issues they might face.

And for my family, I know exactly what that extra baggage is, because I have been haunted by it ever since I truly understood my brother's condition.

Now I know that retaining isn't an option, there are only two remaining ways out. One, is to go and seek private education, and the other is to enroll into NT and make use of the first year as the golden opportunity to step up into NA. Honestly, considering the financial capabilities of my Dad, it is impossible for him to come up with hundreds of thousands/year to fund private education for my sister. The only way out is hence the latter.

It's not going to be easy, but there is a silver lining, a little hope. What are the chances my sis ends up topping the NT cohort at the end of the year if she's already this playful, not coping well and is going to be put in a completely new environment? I know the situation is bad, and it's difficult to think rationally.

All in all despite the hurdles she's to be prepared to face, I'm going to be the one that has to be by her side. That's because I'm not willing to see my own sister suffer and see her education go downhill, I know exactly how it's going to be like for her. I've gone through studying in an Express stream and influences there are already tempting to the core. Much less in NT? The only thing we can do is to motivate her to study, and be there to constantly keep an eye on her studies.

I may not know the right approach, but there are always people I can turn to and share my burdens with. I can always talk to my sister, spend more time with her and see that her attitude problems improve. I don't want to be in an environment when my family is always bugging my thoughts, and I should be the support that my sister needs that she cannot get from my parents/brother.

I'm am so thankful for those that have always stood by me and provided me with support when I'm at my lowest. :)