C'est la vie.

#104. The familiarity of it all.

Thursday, January 31, 2013 | 9:53:00 PM | 0 comments| add a comment

Sometimes, I don't really know how to feel.

Have you ever felt that way before?

Like it doesn't make sense to feel happy over one thing or upset over it.

You just feel very....... Empty inside. Like hollow-empty.

These three days, my heart's been taking on an emotional roller coaster.

It started on a high, then at some point it crashed down low.

My faith in the boy I love so much was slipping too.

"I bet you cried that night, right?"

I sure did, but it's scary when one night it just didn't seem to be right for me to cry anymore.

Like, I felt so tired, and already expecting the outcome.. I couldn't get myself to cry.

And that turmoil of feelings trapped in my heart, really hurt.

And now I know for sure, there's no use in crying bcos I'm just left to myself to wipe my own tears.

Those nights I feel so alone.

Different cliques = different level involvement in school events = sacrifices.

Your friends are those that aren't enthusiastic in events and school programmes while mine are.

Now, I'm caught torn apart between my commitments with school and our relationship, I'm just giving everything up altogether.

I don't want to be involved in anything anymore, I'm tired not because I'm not 'enthu' for BA anymore.

I love spending time with BAS, and I having been giving up alot of events lately.

Why not give up everything?

I'm so tired and so sick of arguing on every small little thing.

I don't really think it's worth doing any of these school stuff anymore, if it's for the best of our interests.

To others, they're like why can't you all just go to different groups?

Idk, somehow we can't work it out that way, I've tried and thought about it.

It's not that I don't want stan all to myself too, but..

It's like we just cannot, must not be separated, there's not enough trust and all that between us.

That's why we've been quarreling these few days, we haven't met in awhile and a little jealousy/insecurity will spark.

There's two sides to it, a good and bad one.

I just want us to be happy, so maybe.. I just hope this won't become a problem for us so much so it goes too far in the future.

Just because it burns doesn't mean we're gonna die, we just gotta get up and try, try, try.

"I read this and thought ‘wow that’s nice, I should reblog it’.
Then I stopped, and I read it again. Word by word, thinking hard about how I can actually apply this to my life. I’ve read it about 50 times now and I still can’t get it out of my head; what if we all did this? What if we forgot about fights, sadness, arguments, anger, and embarrassment? What if we lived for the small things and forgot about everything else?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we should ignore important things in life or live with ‘no regrets’. All I’m saying is that it really is true; at the end of the day, all that we should really be thinking about is the little things that made us happy, even if it was for a mere second. wow."